Reasons Why I’ve Put the Book on the Shelf

Yesterday in class we discussed spiritual disciplines. Anyone who knows me well knows I love to study the Word… so much so that I toss and turn, dream, lose sleep and cry over the divide of theology in the church. I can listen to two sermons with the same point and they both teach completely contradictory messages… ‘why?’ I ask myself. ‘They’ve both dedicated their life to teaching, who is to say who is right? But someone has to be.’ I love to study because I want to know truth, but this hasn’t always been the case.

I received my first study bible in 2004 when I was 10 years old through the annual Christmas gift donations to children “in need.” I was the oldest of 3 siblings and no one ever knows what to get a child in double digits, so while my brother and sister open all these cool toys, I got a Bible. ‘Cool’ I said and sat it right on my shelf.

In elementary school I would attend Sunday school from time to time, but I never went often enough to develop friendships with the other kids or know what scriptures to memorize for the week. I thought the other kids would think I was dumb if I couldn’t memorize scripture, so I didn’t even try.

As I grew up, I was more concerned with my life, making people like me and fitting in that I just didn’t think about reading.

 

People like my friend, Nick, is why I picked the Bible up for the first time. I felt comfortable sharing about the difficult stuff in my life and each time he would pray for me at the end of our conversation. I picked up my Bible because I wanted to know what was so different about this kid. At this point the book was already pretty beat up from being shoved in different boxes or crevices in my room. I reread the first 3-5 chapters in Genesis multiple times, each time finding an excuse to give it up… I didn’t know where to start, I would get overwhelmed with reading the whole thing or I would wonder how it even applied to me because it happened so long ago.

I had a roommate, Megan, who loved the Lord but also had a lot of questions, so we went on a quest to different churches in Texas and asked multiple different pastors her questions. Questions are good; so once again I opened to Genesis and wrote down every question I had while reading… I got to chapter 2. It was going to take forever, so I quit.

Then my friend, Logan, came into the picture and as we discovered more about the power of God, I became fearful of the enemy and went through a season of sleeping with my Bible. Every night. For over a year. I used it for my comfort and I knew it had power and I knew it was truth, but I still didn’t know all of what was in it.

Ultimately what it came down to the next time I picked it up was wanting to know the truth. Everything I’d ever known was taught to me by another person and even my own family celebrated the pinnacles of their faith differently.

Once again, my intent was to read the Bible all the way through from Genesis to Revelation, but this time I got stuck in Isaiah and my bookmark remained there for a year and a half.

While I was on the Race, I figured it was about time to read through the entire New Testament (since I was supposed to be teaching it and all). So I did – it took me about 3 months to read through it and the whole time feeling burdened by these truths being revealed to me that other believers around me hadn’t been taught or weren’t walking in. ‘I’m so new to this, how do I even talk to them about it?’ I thought.

Then, about 2 months later I picked Isaiah back up where I had left off and read through the prophets in a month.

I’ve read books and commentaries, watched one study video after another, asked God the same questions over and over again, and the Word just started to click! 

I want to encourage anyone struggling with ignorance, pride, fear of judgement, comparison, guilt, shame, pressure, the need to do it the ‘right way’ or don’t see the value in it to know we’ve all been there. God’s word is a weapon that genuinely holds an answer for everything concerning this life. I challenge you to seek the truth without bias or presuming to know the answers based on what you’ve been told. Pray before you read the Father will give you understanding; he will make a way.

 ***

5 takeaways from class:

• In a lot of cases, your spiritual disciplines match your giftings… because you thoroughly enjoy doing them. The disciplines were made for you, not you for the disciplines. 
• We have an invitation to train ourselves in Godliness, not as a measuring stick to judge other believers by. (1 Timothy 4:6-8, Hebrews 12:5-17)
• Discern your heart when you say “I should do this…” as opposed to “I want to do this…” Chase the heart of the Father and abiding in Him leaves you no place to judge because He is the judge. Do these things to be closer to God out of an overflow of love.
• Encourage one another to challenge themselves in a new discipline and to teach others yours.
• Meet together often because each person is gifted differently, but all gifts are necessary for a healthy church.