Making Decisions in the Face of Doubt
There were probably a million reasons not to commit to coming to the Center for Global Action (CGA), but all of them would have been based on fear and doubt. When I heard about it, I didn’t think much of it until about a week before it started and I felt like my entire being was giving me a deer in the headlights look… stop, listen, I think you should pursue this.
I was immediately overwhelmed with it being such short notice, but I trusted that God was trying to get my attention.
I said yes after the most emotional conversation I’ve ever had with the Lord, but ultimately believing what He has for me was better than what I had or what I could do on my own.
My first week at CGA I was struggling with having new faces around me… people I knew I could talk to, but it’s just not the same as my close friends I just said goodbye to a week ago. I realized I needed to grieve past seasons of my life (the last 5 years) that I thoroughly enjoyed and will never be in again, and also grieve not having my close people around me anymore…
How awkward to do that with strangers who you just met and know nothing about you or the people or seasons you’re grieving! But it’s a beautiful example of the body of Christ.
When I talked to the CGA class, I cried.
When I talked with my house mentor, I cried.
When I talked with my discipleship partner after 5 minutes of meeting her, I cried.
When I talked with my CGA mentor, I cried.
All of it feels super awkward and messy – two thinks I try very hard not to be. To spill all the tender parts of my heart out to strangers, but each person has sat, listened and didn’t seem burdened by what I was laying before them but gently embraced me as I was. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL EXAMPLE OF THE LOVE OF THE FATHER.
I’ve come to realize this is actually exactly where I need to be and what that says about my intimacy with the Father when I stopped to listen when He had something to say.
I have seen Him show up so much since being here…
This morning he gave me a verse: “Come all who are weary and I will give you rest,” (Matthew 11:28) which is reminiscent of where I am currently at, but it was also a verse that was quoted in the final chapter of a book I was reading tonight. A reminder that he cares from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed.
I also discovered today that on the day I started CGA, I received a $1000 anonymous donation! Literally baffled.
God is so faithful and I am truly grateful for that donation and for how he continues to guide me and reveal His love for me through this transition. The love he also has for you!
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Below is a photo of my CGA class.
